New Beginings
by Doctorwhofangirl14
Summary: Peeta and Katniss didn't talk at all before the day he planted the Primroses, him doing that had left some sort of opening in their realationship they'd both once feared had been closed. As they take a chance and work around the awkwardness to re-discover the feelings they buried, Will they fall I love, despite Peetas poor memory of her?what lays in store for them in the near futur
1. Chapter 1

Katniss POV

I honestly don't know what to feel. I think the appropriate thing to do is grieve and get on with my life.

But I can't. I feel numb, that what it is.

I feel like I could've prevented this whole thing, by killing Petta in the first games, or better yet, letting him kill me.

But I had made a promise to Prim.

Prim, this whole thing started, and ended, with her.

But I can't be mad at her. Her name was only in once, getting chosen was some freak accident.

Of corse I couldn't let her go, I promised her she wouldn't be chosen. So I went instead.

I promised her I would do everything in my power to win and come back home.

I couldn't kill Petta, but I still kept my promise to her by exploiting the games one weakness. The need for a champion, even if it means having two.

My promises, my choices, my mistakes, have created an entirely new world.

And I'm still stuck in the one I gave far more than my life to leave.

Because she is in that world. That was her world. That was all she ever knew, she will never get to see everything they are doing to make this place better, safer, happier.

If I had seen through coins act...

If I had just realized that maybe snow wasn't the only one craving to keep power, doing anything to prevent it from being taken away.

That is the one person I will never regret killing, the rest can haunt me and my nightmares for the rest of my life but I will never feel bad for taking away any and all chances coin had at power.

She killed Prim, and that is something I can never forgive.

I pull back my bow, now aimed at a squirrel. I steady myself before letting go of the bowstring.

It goes right through the head. I clean it, drain it, skin it. And put it in my game bag. Which is nearly full.

I've been out here for about three days, eating what I kill, sleeping in that stupid old shack by the pond.

Trying to stay away from everyone who is trying to get me better.

I don't need to be better, I need to be sane. And that is not something I will become sitting around with a bunch of people who are telling me everything I'm doing wrong and forcing me to eat.

If possible, I would go crazier.

So I do something I know, something I'm good at, I hunt.

But this meat will go bad if I'm out here for longer. I let out a long exaggerated sigh and cleaned my arrow, that I retrieved from the head of the dead squirrel, before walking back to District 12.

It takes me about a half an hour to walk back, when I get back to the victors village, my house is crowed with people.

They don't notice me yet but they say things like 'she's been gone for days'

'What is she's gone and killed herself?' And 'what if she's been taken'

I mentally scoff at what they are saying, anyone who thought about it for more than ten minutes should've guessed where I was.

I walk in, immediately silencing the room as they all stare at me, I ignore them.

I heave my game bag on a counter and take off my fathers jacket and hang it on a door handle.

I walk upstairs, and no one says a word.

I shower and get dressed in a simple black fitted long sleeve shirt and Jean shorts. I weave my hair into a braid after I brush it and pull my sleaze over my hands, as if I were trying to cover them.

I walk back downstairs and everyone in the group is still silent, but now greasy sae is looking at my game and wrapping it and freezing it.

She will most likely make me a offer latter, and I will most likely just give it to her.

As I take a double take of the group I see half of them have left, seeing as I'm okay.

All that's left are Hazel, Haymitch, Effie, Greasy Sae (obviously), and shockingly Petta.

Me and Petta have exchanged no more than a few sentences in the months since everything happened. Although I sneak glances at him when I know he's around I never know what to say, or even if I should say anything at all.

He did believe I was a terrorist because of the stupid hijacking. What do you say to someone who has false memories of you that also happen to be horrifying?

Nothing is what I'm going with, but I cannot help but miss Petta.

I hadn't realized how important he'd become to me until he was taken from right under my nose.

I will never get the Petta I knew back, the one who was hopelessly in love with me for no good reason at all. The one who was completely open, not scared to share his thoughts or feelings with the world. This is a whole new Petta, and we could never have been more alike as we are now.

But we still avoid eachother.

After a minute or two of everyone just staring and Sae wrapping the game, I decide to actually say something for the first time in three days.

"I'm not dead" it's exaggerated as I plop down on a chair.

"I can see that" Haymitch nods " My job is done, see you later kid" he pats my shoulder before he heads off to his house to more than likely get drunk.

Hazel simply just goes on about how I shouldn't worry people like that. I really don't know why she is here, I thought she moved to 2 with Gale.

Who I have not spoken with since the whole bombing thing that killed my little sister.

"Darling she is right, I mean you were starting to give me worry lines!" Effie exclaims like its the worst thing that could possibly ever happen. I don't know what worry lines are and I don't ask. I don't know why she is here either, I though she was living in 1 and was trying to start up her own fashion line.

After I give Greasy Sae some of my game she leaves without much fuss over me.

Petta lingers.

He's kinda half way in half way out, he look torn like he has some kind of inner battle going on. And I just wish he'd say something before he decides against it, because as pathetic as it sounds, I really just want to hear him talk.

"I'm glad you not dead" he says while he rubs his neck and looks unsure, as if that was the wrong thing to say

"Did you ever think that is was?" I ask, even when his memory of me is crap, he should still know me better.

He chuckles a bit, more like fast breathing than a chuckle, but still he was smiling.

"Not for a second" he shakes his head.

Then the silence grows, and it's akward.

Eventually he awkwardly says goodbye.

Leaving me to my nightmares.


	2. Chapter 2

Katniss POV

I can't tell if the primroses Peeta planted make me want to puke and scream and run away, with nothing but thought of how snow would be ever so kind to mock my pain.

Or if they make me want to cherish them and take care of them as I can no longer do with my sister.

I don't even know why he felt compelled to plant them, he knew her just about as well as Haymitch did, and that was more short conversations whenever they were around each other, never really taking the time to know each other.

I guess it doesn't matter, it helps me fill this house with her, makes me feel not so alone.

Well besides that stupid cat...

I sigh as I walk outside, and instead of venturing anywhere I plop down on the front steps and start playing with one of the aforementioned primroses.

As I twirl the flower in my hand I start humming the Hanging tree, I become mesmerized by the movement of the flower.

"Katniss?" A familiar voice questions and look up to see the face of a concerned Peeta. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah" I say quickly putting the flower down beside me. "Why?" I ask

"I don't know you've just been... Distant lately" he sits down next to me on the step after I make room for him.

Our elbows occasionally grazing each other.

"Because we're so close" I joke leaning back on my hands

He laughs and nods " yeah, I just mean you keep disappearing. For days, at a time. And your never really at home"

"I'm at home now, and I sleep here" I say obviously

"Okay your never IN your home, not when you don't have to be." I ducks his head fora minute, looking embarrassed he said anything at all.

"It's big and empty, and I'm the only one who lives there. I get lonely there" I shrug it off, feeling lonely is not a big deal. Nothing compared to what I felt during the games most nights.

"Besides, I thought you guys WANTED me out of the house."

"That's when you wouldn't leave it, you wouldn't even get out of that chair"

I shrug again and we sit in a silence for a while, I can't tell if it's awkward or comforting, maybe a bit of both?

"It's just..." He whispers and trails off and looks like he's putting his thoughts together "what happened to you, everything and then I don't know I figured you'd do something"

He ducks his head, again looking embarrassed.

"When my dad died my mom literally broke, I didn't have time to grieve him I was busy making sure we didn't starve. Taking care of Prim and my Mom... When I left for the games I made her promise to step up, and she did. But only for Prim. Now Prims gone, she's off acting like neither of us existed and well, I have nothing to do. Nothing useful to anyone anyway..." I spill out.

I haven't talked to Peeta like this since the tour. It's my turn to be embarrassed.

I look at him and it's obvious he doesn't know what to say, and as the silence grows it becomes more and more awkward. I sigh loudly, talking to him will never be the same.

"I..." He starts but seems to forget what he was going to say. Making this whole thing more awkward.

God I'm so sick of awkward.

This is snows fault, for doing this to him. Making him hate me.

But it's also mine, for not realizing I loved him until it was too late.

"I should go" he says as he stands up I nod and stand up with him.

We kinda go to shake hands but one of us puts up the wrong hand and so we both decide it's ours and switch off. After a while we settle on a high five and depart from eachother.

Me feeling more useless by the minute


	3. Chapter 3

Katniss POV

I wake with a scream. I pull my legs up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. Rocking back and forth "it's all my fault, it's all my fault. They're all dead and it's all my fault." I whisper frantically over and over.

It's been months and the nightmares show no sign of going away.

And I doubt they ever will.

Out of habit I take my pearl off my bed side table and start rubbing between my fingers, hoping it will help calm me down.

In my dream I saw the face of everyone I've killed, of everyone who gave their life for me.

So many faces...

It's just not fair, it's not fair.

I dig my face into the crevice between my legs and my torso, trying to hide from the world.

I'm alone in my bedroom, it's the biggest one in the house. My mom made me take it when we moved in, she said it was because I deserved it. Now I just think it was so she didn't have to listen to this, the sounds of my nightmares.

Not that it matters anyway, she left. Not that I'd want to be around me if I had a choice either.

I can't help the creeping feeling, the thought in the back of my head, the wish that I know won't come true.

I wish Peeta were here, I always slept better when I was with him.

But I doubt he wants to see me either, I'm not even sure why he stayed in his house in district twelve.

I try to calm my breathing but it doesn't work, I just see the faces and scream again.

After another half an hour of rocking back and forth on my bed crying I hear the front door close and the creeking wood.

My instincts kick in and I immediately grab my bow from the closet and sit on my bed aiming the arrow at the door.

My reflexes are sharp as the door opens but my mind works just quick enough to see who it is and I end up shooting the door frame.

The figure looks at the arrow not inches from his head before looking back at me, and what a sight it must be.

Tears running down my face, eyes puffy. Standing on my knees on my bed with my bow in hand. To anybody else I might look insane, but Peeta gets nightmares too.

"Are you okay? I heard a scream."

"Maybe because someone broke into my house." I say sarcastically, but he just shrugs and holds up his key. The key the capital gave him when we moved into these houses because they didn't want their 'love birds' to have any boundaries apparently.

"Not technically breaking in if you have a key is it?" He asks and I remain silent.

"What are you doing here?" I finally ask, putting down my bow.

"I told you, I heard a scream."

"I'm fine." I say quickly

"You don't look fine." He says gently as he comes closer to me, he looks as of he were approaching an animal that could kill him.

I don't exactly blame him, I'm not completely stable right now. And I did did just shot an arrow at his head.

When he sits down on the bed I let myself relax a little bit, I can still feel the tears silently streaming down my face.

"What are you doing up?" I whisper, and I know I look and sound pathetic at this point.

He shrugs "probably same as you."

But the way he looks at me when he says it I get a sick feeling in my stomach that his nightmare was about me, some memory that was twisted to make me look evil.

Roses still Make me sick, I don't think it's something I'll ever get over.

The look in his eyes change to something I can't quite read, he's looking at the bed.

He reaches out and picks up the pearl he gave me during the games, he holds it up to look at it and rolls it between his fingers like I had done so many times before.

"You kept it?" He whispers, probably not meaning for me to hear.

"Why wouldn't I? You gave it to me." My voice cracks due to the tears but I ignore it.

His gaze switches back to me and he puts the small stone on my bed side table.

He reaches out and gently wipes the tears off my face.

"It was just a dream Katniss, the games, the war. It's all over now." He whispers, trying to calm me down.

"That doesn't fix everything I've done Peeta." I can feel myself start to get mad, mad that I can never really fix all that has happened.

"I didn't say it would."

How is this helping? I want to ask but I really don't want to fight with him right now.

"Then what? How is it all okay?" I breathe out, my voice high pitched and cracking as I feel the tremors building up in my body about to spill over.

"It's your life katniss, obviously you've made mistakes, who hasn't? But what you chose to do after those mistakes is up to you. You can learn from them and move on or you can dwell on them for the rest of your life coming up with every way you could've done it right. It's in the past, treat it that way." He stands up, but not before he grabs my hand pulling me up with him.

"I brought something to show you" he says and I nod, following him trying only to focus on the warmth his hand puts into mine.

When we get there I see its one of his paintings.

It's all of us on the 75th games, holding hands. Only four of us made it out alive.

"These people believed in you Katniss, they didn't die in vain and it sure wasn't your fault. Everyone who died, everyone we lost was because of snow. They just wanted something better." He goes on "don't dwell on the mistakes you've made, focus on all the good you've done."

By them I've calmed down and he helps me back to bed, I go to ask him to stay with me it he's already gone.


End file.
